And you have some “work” to do on yourself before you let loose your frustrated inner kid in the online candy shop, with its cornucopia of possibilities. Work on body and mind, probably. Why? Women who are on dating apps are the crack stormtroopers of the world we call “out there” and their despatches from this front report that men like you, coming out of long marriages, can be unbelievably clueless/innocent, having last unhooked a bra in the back of the Robin Reliant in 1963.
So: mourn your losses first, and then get yourself match-fit for the battle of the sexes. I’m not telling you to manscape and hit the gym after so you could model in a Calvin Klein ad, but put your best foot forward and maybe book yourself into a pedicure and splash out on some new boxers. Do let me know how you get on!
Dear Rachel,
How common is it to have extremely low to zero sex drive? I’m post-menopausal. I used to love sex. Now, I feel so sad that I’m just not interested anymore. Is there a medical reason for this? I’ve tried testosterone gel, it was not helpful. How many women are there out there that feel like this?
Dear Anon,
Oh my goodness! You ask, how common, how many women – I can reassure you. Extremely common. Millions of women! You are not alone, you are almost every woman at some point in her life, and there is no reason to be “so sad”. This is one of the most common presenting problems to therapists post-menopause.
But you are also special. What jumps out for me like salmon leaping is this sentence in your short letter: “I used to love sex.” This tells me everything I need to know. I can reassure you that your body hasn’t changed post-menopause that much.
Yes, you may have the old apron-belly and some wrinkled décolletage but when were either of those deal breakers for you or a potential partner? You say you’ve used the tried and tested rocket fuel for the female libido, testosterone, but it doesn’t help (you don’t say if you are on other forms of HRT, ie oestrogen – more details please, correspondents!) so I think that your body is not letting you down, your mind is.
Sarah Carter is a health and wellness expert residing in the UK. With a background in healthcare, she offers evidence-based advice on fitness, nutrition, and mental well-being, promoting healthier living for readers.
