Key events
That’s all folks
And here’s what Pep made of it all
The good news is we got three points. The bad news is we have 65 more games to play!
For me it’s an immense privilege to be manager of these guys. They gave me everything: the joy, the happiness, the commitment to defend.
I’m really impressed with the performance from Kevin [De Bruyne] because he’s only trained for one week.
[On Rico Lewis] He does everything well. One on one defensively he is unbelievable. He arrives in the pockets, he moves like few players I have seen in my life.
Erling Haaland’s reaction
Yeah, three points, perfect start. I don’t feel in perfect shape but it’s good to get a goal and to win.
Last year Sanchez made a great save from me. He often stays on his line, which is why I took a couple of extra touches so that he had to come out. Then I knew what to do.
Pep says to us every day that the best players are the best at the “easiest” things [like your first touch in a busy penalty area]. He says this to me a lot!
If I can stretch the centre-backs to create space for Bernardo Silva, I’ll do it. It’s hard but that’s my job.
I want to be more involved in games, Pep always says that to me. But then a game like this: do I need to be more involved? I don’t know, it’s the million dollar question.
He’s such a brilliant interviewee. I suppose it’s easier to speak the truth when you score 500 goals a season.
Full time: Chelsea 0-2 Man City
The champions begin with a low-key, almost routine victory at Stamford Bridge. Erling Haaland finished clinically in the first half, Mateo Kovacic finished the job with a stylish solo goal. The end.
90+5 min A long-range shot from Fernandez is spilled by Ederson but grabbed nonchantly, one-handed, after it loops up in the air. It’s been that kind of day for City.
90+2 min Chelsea’s race is run.
90 min Five minutes of added time.
90 min Doku goes on a glorious run from the left, beating Gusto and Fofana with ease to go through on Sanchez. He tries to cut the ball back to Haaland but it’s cut out.
89 min Caicedo takes out his frustration on Doku and is booked.
Mateo Kovacic scores against his old club to seal a comfortable victory. He controlled Fofana’s clearance on the chest, just inside the Chelsea half, then set off. Kovacic moved smoothly past Caicedo and Fernandez before whipping a shot towards goal from 20 yards. Sanchez dived to his right but could only punch the ball into the corner of the net; he probably should’ve done better.
GOAL! Chelsea 0-2 Man City (Kovacic 84)
That’ll do!
82 min City’s performance is the kind teams usually value more at the end of a season: 1-0, just doing enough, job done. They started very well but since Haaland’s goal the match has been increasingly scruffy.
80 min: Chelsea substitution Renato Veiga, signed from Basel, replaces Cucurella at left-back.
79 min Cucurella has gone down and has a problem. At first it looked like cramp but it might be more serious.
77 min Gusto’s low cross is well blocked by a sliding defender at the near post. Gusto then knocks the ball against the arm of Kovacic, which leads to a VAR check for a Chelsea penalty. It’s cleared. His arm was bent but reasonably close to his body; again, though, that might have been given in previous seasons. It was a nonsense then and it would have been a nonsense now.
76 min Bernardo Silva arrows a fine pass between the lines to find Doku. He tries to put Haaland through on goal but Fofana reads the pass and cuts it out.
75 min Fernandez and Haaland have a bit of a slanging match, prompting Anthony Taylor to call them over and tell them what’s what.
73 min De Bruyne rams a curler well wide from the edge of the D.
71 min Cucurella’s deep cross is spilled by Ederson, who is relieved to see the ball drop to Doku rather than a Chelsea player. The move was started by Neto, who has been bright since coming on as substitute.
69 min City are passing the clock down at every opportunity. Truly, nobody does it better.
67 min: Double substitution for Chelsea Here come some of the new boys: Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall and Marc Guiu replace Romeo Lavia, who had a really good game, and Nicolas Jackson.
65 min: Lewis has a goal disallowed! Haaland pulls away from Colwill to chest down De Bruyne’s flipped pass into the box. Colwill gets back to make a crucial interception and is then fouled by Haaland. The ball runs loose to Lewis, who rattles it past Ederson – but then Anthony Taylor blows for the foul.
Haaland scraped his studs down Colwill’s leg and is booked. It wasn’t deliberate, but it looked painful.
63 min “I realise that the absurdities of football finances in general, and the current Chelsea regime in particular, have rendered transfer fees nearly meaningless, but has Enzo Fernández ever looked like a hundred million pound player?” asks Kári Tulinius. “He’s a very useful part of the Argentine national team, but he always seems a bit lost when playing for Chelsea. Though he’s not alone in that.”
Not even close, although he’s only 23 and that’s pretty young for a player in his position. It’d be fascinating to know what data made Chelsea so desperate to pay that much money for him.
Mind you, you’d probably the same about Caicedo on his Chelsea form and he was marvellous at Brighton.
61 min: Fine save by Ederson! After a bit of Chelsea pressure, Lavia heads the ball towards Jackson in the six-yard box. He twists to hit a volley that is kept out dramatically by Ederson. Either side of the keeper and it would probably have gone in.
60 min City break very dangerously from the corner, only for Doku to play a loose pass across to Haaland. Doku hasn’t had his finest game.
59 min Caicedo’s long-range shot is blocked and rebounds back to him. He plays an excellent pass to Fernandez on the right side of the area, and he slides a teasing low ball across goal. Lewis does brilliantly to get in front of the forward, not sure who it was, and put the ball behind for a corner. Without that touch Chelsea would have scored.
58 min: Chelsea substitution Pedro Neto replaces Christopher Nkunku, who had a quiet game on the left. City have controlled this second half so it’s a good time to bring on Neto.
57 min It took 57 minutes.
“Can I be the first to congratulate Manchester City on their unprecedented fifth title in a row,” writes Matt Dony. “Best league in the world(!).”
56 min “Speaking of twin peaks, have a look at the finely groomed bald heads of Pep Guardiola and Enzo Maresca!” chirps Peter Oh. “Are they the best in the league though? I’m not sure. Arne Slot’s smooth and shapely pate and Erik ten Hag’s slick noggin will surely have something to say about that. I’ve got a hunch that this season will baldly go where no previous one has gone.”
What do they know of baldness who only baldness know?
55 min Cucurella exchanges unpleasantries with Bernardo Silva, probably in an attempt to get himself going more than anything.
54 min Fofana flattens Haaland and is a bit lucky not to receive a yellow card.
53 min “Agree with your correspondent that this season has started with a bit of low-key shrug,” writes Ben Kybett. “I think this often seems the case in an Olympic summer, when the efforts of that spirit of plucky amateurism (however illusory in many cases) in underwatched-sports contrasts with the ubiquity of Premier League plutocrat-ball. We’ll be hooked again by the time the clocks go back.”
Sil. Cheer me up babe.
(NB: Clip contains adult language)
52 min: Good save by Sanchez! De Bruyne’s pass deflects to Bernardo Silva, who squares it to Haaland just inside the area. He sweeps a first-time shot that is pushed away to his right by the diving Sanchez. Haaland might have done better there, simply because he’s him.
50 min: “With all those beastliness flying about,” begins Steve Bradfield, “have Chelsea experienced a bit of EBH – egregious bodily harm?”
For the unfamiliar, EBH are his initials: Erling Bloody* Haaland.
* Braut
49 min Almost a chance for Chelsea, but Jackson and Fernandez get in each other’s way. Chelsea have been really heavy-footed in the City penalty area.
47 min Loud groans from the home fans as Sanchez passes the ball straight to De Bruyne on the left edge of the area. He got away with it because De Bruyne overhit his cross.
46 min Peep peep! Chelsea begin the second half.
Update: Savinho is not okay. Some chancer called Phil Foden has come on to replace him.
Half-time reading
Half time: Chelsea 0-1 Man City
City’s B-game is still enough for them to dominate most Premier League teams and that was the case in the first half at Stamford Bridge. Erling Haaland finished expertly in the 18th minute and, though Chelsea improved as the half progressed, their attacking play had a kind of virginal enthusiasm. They need to calm down in the second half.
I think Savinho is okay to continue by the way.
45+6 min Another unsuccessful appeal for a penalty, this time when Nkunku goes down. My first impression is that he was trying it on.
45+3 min Chelsea again enquire about a penalty when Fernandez goes over in the area after a challenge from Dias, who kind of fell into him. VAR won’t overturn the decision but that’s the kind of penalty that would have been given in 2020-21 when they were penalising all contact.
45+1 min Five minutes of added time.
44 min: Jackson has a goal disallowed! Palmer’s shot from the edge of the area was spilled by Ederson, an unusual mistake that was punished by Jackson – or at least it would have been had Jackson not gone too early.
42 min “Loved Twin Peaks but utterly failed to understand what was going on towards the end,” says Richard Hirst. “Your reference to Killer BOB made me Google him, only to find that I utterly fail to understand what it says there about him. Still, it was fun being reminded of THE great watercooler TV show. Though if I was Haaland I might sue you for the comparison.”
Come on now. It’s like I compared him to Windom Earle.
41 min In fact it was Caicedo who clobbered De Bruyne, though Doku was in the vicinity.
Savinho is also down and that looks more serious. It’ll be such a shame if he has to go off; he’s been really impressive.
40 min Bernardo Silva’s low shot from a tight angle is kicked away by Sanchez after a fast City break. He was set up by De Bruyne, who was then flattened – possibly by his teammate Doku – and is still down.
39 min Chelsea’s best move. Palmer crosses deep, Nkunku heads down, Jackson lays off and Fernandez’s shot flies off Akanji for a corner.
37 min: Fine save by Sanchez! Doku lashes a shot from 25 yards that takes a big deflection and is pawed over acrobatically by Sanchez. The replays suggest it wasn’t quite as brilliant as it looked at first, though he still did well.
35 min Savinho escapes Cucurella again and moves into the area from the right. He can’t decide what to do so eventually plays the ball back to Kovacic, whose first-time shot from 20 yards is blocked.
Chelsea break and Jackson is slightly offside when put through on the left wing. Play continues for a good 30 seconds before the flag goes up. Pep is giving the fourth official a mouthful.
Sophie Anderson, a UK-based writer, is your guide to the latest trends, viral sensations, and internet phenomena. With a finger on the pulse of digital culture, she explores what’s trending across social media and pop culture, keeping readers in the know about the latest online sensations.
